Man: Yes darling?
W: We need to plan the wedding. It’s only four months away now.
M: (looking for remote control) Right, absolutely, yesss (finds it).
W: I was thinking we might have a wedding artist as well as a photographer.
M: (Brightens) A wedding artist? Well, why not. We could go conceptual, have Marina in to do the severed head thing as table decorations … she might even throw in a couple of nude bridesmaids lying on the head table.
W: I was thinking more…
M: Or…or…we could have Tino Sehgal come and do a touchy feeley thingy in the dark with the guests.
W: No, I thought more of a…
M: You’re right. We need to think of something more aspirational. How about huge Barbara Kruger banners? Your body is a battleground or The meaning of life is that it stops or…
W: … or, You are not yourself…
M: What?
W: Nothing.
M: Ok. How about this. We slip Vito Acconci under the floor boards as a bit of a surprise … hmmm, perhaps not. I know. Five giant screens with videos of elephants sitting down, guys knocking their heads against cars or for later in the evening that Martin Creed one where everyone vomits…. er… (noticing)… but what did you have in mind?
W: I was thinking about having a wedding painter.
M: A wedding painter! I DON’T THINK SO.
