And tell us, which universe was that in?

“Why go to a store when you could go to a museum?” she asked
“Um, because the museum doesn’t sell shit?”

David Sedaris gets it completely wrong in the New Yorker

Te Papa’s new Go Away policy

It must be pretty annoying becoming a Chief Executive in the public service if you come from the private sector. Stuff that is no business but your own is now open to public scrutiny. Your business expenses, for instance. How much you spent on taxis even. I mean, what the hell? Remember when Josie McNaught took it on herself to detail some ‘embarrassing’ everyday expenses of the previous CE of Te Papa in national art mags? 

Now there's a new sheriff in town and one that's obviously not going to put up with that sort of transparency bullshit. If he wants to wine and dine and catch a cab or even a damn helicopter if it’s called for, what has that got to do with anybody else, let alone taxpayers?  

And so the bi-annual ‘Te Papa CE and Kaihautū expenses disclosure document’ (scroll down the page) that has been in the public domain since 2010 via Te Papa's web site has been closed down for the July 2014-June 2015 period. 'Authentication required. Put in your password'. Oh, you don’t have one? Then 'Access denied'. 

Expenses documents from July 2010 to June 2013 are still available at the time of writing. No shoving please. There are plenty of expired reports available for everyone.

LATER: Te Papa have been in touch and have now made this material available

What art has in store

A long time ago now we noted a very droll site (you can still find it here) that asked you to try and tell the difference between furniture created by the minimalist American artist Donald Judd and the sort of stuff you can buy in mega box-stores like Ikea . Seven years on, let us point you (thanks blouinartinfo) to a Tumblr that sources items in pre-sixteenth century paintings from IKEA. So, if you want that nifty red throw pillow you saw in Hans Memling’s painting of The Annunciation, go here. And boom here’s the GURLI Cushion cover for only $48 ready to fill and plump up on your window seat. Or if you are in a more reflective mode how about this framed mirror straight from Christ blessing, surrounded by a donor family by a German painter in the late 1500s.

All this decorating pleasure comes via Cecilia Azcarate whose Tumblr will bring your everyday tastes up to the late sixteenth century.  Azcarate is a killer when it comes to art spotting on the internet so you might also like to chase up her very funny (but definitely not safe for work) collection that features art from the background of sex tapes. That more specialist journey you can begin by going here.

Facing the morning cup of coffee

When you’re hanging about waiting for the barista to draw a fern or a love heart in the crème just be thankful they aren’t film lovers. You find out who's who and look at more here.

Gifted

Time for another round up of artist branded gifts. From the Barbara Kruger limited edition sunglasses via the Wim Delvoye Yoga Mat to the Joseph Kosuth Water Bottle, there is no end to what artists can be persuaded to do for the honour of the gift shop. For those who met Barbara Kruger and Joseph Kosuth on their visits to New Zealand the shift in tone is gob-smacking. We’ve come a long way but looking at this lot the artist-gift combo there's still a ways to go yet.

Let’s go shopping:

1  Wim Delvoye Yoga Mat from MOCA, $108.00
2  Maurizio Cattelan And Pierpaolo Ferrari: Bitten Soap from MoMA, $18
3  Yoko Ono Pillow Case Set from the MCA in Sydney, $43.00
4   Barbara Kruger Limited Edition Sunglasses (Red) from LACMA, $241.00
5  Agelio Batle Graphite AK-47 from the MCA Chicago, $77
6  Kusama Dancing Pumpkin floating pen from Tate, $39.50
7  Claes Oldenburg and Coosje Van Bruggen snow globe based on Spoonbridge and Cherry from the Walker Art Centre $18.00
8  Joseph Kosuth Water Bottle from the Guggenheim Museum, $34.00

Pound cake in blue, yellow and red

It being Saturday it’s only fair that you should be allowed to have your art cake and eat it too. So don't think, just leap out of the house, get the mixings, check out the how-to vid and set too. To quote the Mondrian man himself “Intellect confuses intuition”. Go.

Fashionartstas

The boundary between art and fashion isn’t blurred any more. To use a fashion term, it’s seamless. At the moment in New York within three blocks there is not one but three mega stores vying to take the art fashion crown, At Barney's it's Lichtenstein all the way with three windows onto Madison Avenue devoted to blow-ups of his limited editions. From a beach ball to a frisbee (decorated with the Lichtenstein cat painting once owned by Andy Warhol) in the familiar RL style they are all to be had in store. A few block down the Japanese retailer UNIQLO is dishing out Andy Warhol on Ts and has sponsored a free night at MoMA for the rest of the year. And finally a more up-market was on offering at Calvin Klein with Ellsworth Kelly’s 1952 dress design updated (you can see the original being worn here on OTN) and in its window tastefully 'curated' in front of a Kelly print.

Images: Top left the Kelly dress at Calvin Klein and right the window at Barney's. Middle Barney's flogging Lichtenstein-like product. Bottom, meanwhile over at UNIQLO

Can’t live with them, can’t live without them

"In Panama City US developer KC Hardin is building luxury condominiums intended for foreign buyers alongside low-cost studios and living spaces for local artists. “Our goal is to finish one affordable housing unit for every high-end condo. Keeping artists in place is the only way to maintain an area’s authenticity and attract a critical mass of visitors.” - Art Newspaper

From today and for the next three months OTN will only publish once a day in the morning. We will be out of the country but will do our best to post when we can on things that will interest and entertain you, but it may be sporadic.

Pop goes the easel

Artist easels, each one individually painted to look as though it has been in the studio forever. As one enthusiastic owner writes:

“I was reluctant to dish out the big bucks for this easel, but my husband knew how much I loved it and secretly purchased it for me as a birthday gift. I love it! Have no idea why I hesitated to buy it, it fits so perfectly with my living room décor and is such a conversation piece”. 

Comes without any of the awkward taste issues around gifting original art works and is available at Anthropologie for $2560 a pop.

For the bottom of the market

It’s been around four years since we last pointed you to the competition Donald Judd or Cheap Furniture (and it remains one of the most insightful art quizzes ever compiled) so here it is again to help you while away Saturday morning. On its first outing here Julian Dashper scored a 10 out of 10 so there’s something to aspire to as well. 

Then, to show we don’t just do repeats, here is some artist furniture you don’t have to guess over.  (click on images to enlarge)
Images: Artist furniture top to bottom, left to right. Alexander Calder, Salvador Dali, Donald Judd, Joseph Beuys, Christo, Allen Jones, Franz West, Rachel Whiteread and John Chamberlain

Card sharps

What wouldn’t you give to see a deck of cards designed by Julian Dashper, et al., Kate Newby or, for a truly challenging poker set-to, Allen Maddox? There's a long history of artist-designed decks and individual cards (with a stand-out being Simultané, the deck created by Sonia Delaunay in the early sixties) and with so many artists working on the borders with design it's no surprise that the card thing is back in play. 

If you're after a deck by British artists there’s one available now. You get to have one of the limited edition cards framed and a full deck to play with or change out in your frame. You can check out more of the cards at the Guardian. 

Images: Top, cards from Simultané by Sonia Delaunay. Bottom left to right, cards by Donald Sultan, David Hockney and Damien Hirst 

A letter from the lettor

In what must have been the most futile request ever made by a human being Andy Warhol’s landlord tells him to stop partying. (click on image to read)

Source: another gem from Shaun Usher’s Letters of Note

A good foil

Just in case you were getting the idea that all artist-designed condoms were frivolous in the style of David Shrigley, here’s some sterner stuff from American artist Jenny Holzer. If what you want is a baby, don’t bother.

Put on

When all else fails (and hopefully they won’t) here are David Shrigley condoms to get you through the night. They are free, thanks to a joint venture between Third Drawer Down and the Victorian Aids Council. Oh, one thing, you need to go to Melbourne to get them.

Thanks to the always-worth-a-look Leg of Lamb where we pinched the story from

Happy Happy Xmas

If you’re looking for multiple gifts for Christmas there is no shortage of choice. For $850 you can snap up Reuben Paterson’s Moustache Glass (half a dozen crystal wine glasses with attached whiskers) from Gow Langsford. Michael Lett still has copies of the Michael Parekowhai book - a stunning 600 pages of pics with a strap-on essay by Justin Paton that nicely segues into Objectspace’s offering of Glove Compartment. This limited edition of 10 bags by Vita Cochrane is available for $950. At Artspace the latest in a long list of multiples is Pukapuka Tohunga Mahi Toi a 240-page book with pressed objects by Daniel Knorr. Yours for $200, or for $150 you can pick up one of Pae White’s gorgeous letters A-Z at Sue Crockford.

For eyes

Our Style editor has come up with another great Christmas gift idea. These natty Philip Johnson glasses are perfect for anyone with a vision for a large building or a simple glass hut out the back. Beautifully tooled in some weird sort of plastic, each lens is designed to focus the sort of piercing look that is perfect for long meetings with demanding clients. You can snap up a pair of Philip Johnsons at the $2 shop. Please note: text changes to the packaging are extra.

Lifestyle section

Over The Net is proud to work with Nike to bring you pictures of these cool table tennis shoes for discerning players.

Lifestyle section

Our Lifestyle reporter has identified the beginnings of another gallery trend. This time it’s the introduction of parties into the gallery entertainment mix. The Adam Gallery offers a party instead of the usual opening tonight, and next week the City Gallery follows up its Festival offering opening with, you guessed it, a ‘post-opening party’.

Lifestyle section

What’s to say? You can order this black essential from Renova

Lifestyle section

It’s not often that our OTN style reporters can get a really good look inside the lifestyles of gallerists. This week, however, we are able to offer a unique insight, thanks to the garage sale list supplied to us by the Anna Bibby Gallery as part of her exhibition opening annoucements. Last year it seems, the shelving of choice was Lundia stacked with Panini Press books and a few ceramics. A simple trestle table with juice extractor and food processor, perfect for indoor/outdoor entertaining. The furniture? Office chic: filing cabinets, chairs and … but read for yourself.

END OF YEAR GARAGE SALE
SATURDAY 1 DECEMBER | Anna Bibby Gallery 2 Morgan St Newmarket
7.30 am - 3 pm
lundia shelving / filing cabinets / trestle tables / chairs washing machine / dryer / juice extractor / food processor / panini press books / electric lawn mower / ceramics / children's and baby accessories / office and household goods.
Also available are paintings by Heather Straka and Simon Kaan.